vertical leaps

I think it's sweet that they put tubby in the middle. I like to be in the center of things myself.

Things are strange. I have bronchitis. It's the pits.

Eew.

Lately, I have not been buying books. I have something of an issue with the overwhelming size of my book collection, I have very little disposable income, and I have a problem with streaming television sites.

I guess this is me finally admitting that I have a problem. I have a problem with television that isn't on television. And also with holding on to things. I don't want to die under a pile of newspapers, y'all.

Here's to reading more.

Ugh, forgive me. I'm ill.

GET OFF MY LAWN!

How I feel sometimes:

As long as we're doing the righteous indignation thing...

I gotta say I'm really glad to know that Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck were able to wring a couple more wads of cash out of the memory of 9/11.

Enjoy your blood-money, you vampiric pieces of shit.

Charming.

Seriously, my mind is thoroughly boggled. How do they get away with such complete and total hypocrisy on the daily? Like, where is this Real America? I need to know so I can stay the fuck away from it. I'm sorry, you're offended by a community center getting built next to strip club and a Burger King? In a city YOU DON'T FUCKING LIVE IN? I'm glad they have so much time on their hands - otherwise, what would we be outraged about? Health-care, perhaps. Or the disappearing middle class. Or, you know A REAL PROBLEM. Now THAT would be a tragedy, amirite Glenny?

Of course, there are worse people in the world than Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck. But there really aren't all that many - it just takes a special, rare kind of asshole to expand your fortune feeding off the memory of the innocent dead, meanwhile stoking the flames of hatred that brought about the tragedy in the first place. Overall, I'm giving Glenn and Sarah my very sternest, "disapproving horse" face.



As Snoop Dogg once said: "I ain't trynna play. I'm just being reeeeaaaallll." Just being real here, people. No big.

Never discuss politics over dinner...

I ate frozen yogurt for dinner.

This "who shall I vote for" business is troubling. I'm talking about the two terrible candidates we have for Cali governor: Meg "I'm the worst" Whitman and the former, "Gov. Moonbeam," Jerry Brown. Let's not quibble over third party candidates - Laura Wells is awesome, of course. Check out her statement:

" There are solutions! For great schools, health, environment, jobs, and justice. We can stop coddling mega-corporations and billionaires. They’ve gotten filthy rich, and left California flat broke and unemployment sky high.

We can create a State Bank and invest in California not Wall Street.

Let’s expand the good parts of old Prop 13 to keep people in their homes, and fix rotten parts like the 1/3 minority that has veto power over taxing the rich. Let’s implement fair taxes, and give ourselves and our kids a chance."

Okay, she's great. But it's not like we can let Meg Whitman win...

So. I guess I'm voting for Jerry Brown. On the up side, at least we know that whoever wins, it's not as though they can accomplish all that much. Oh, blessed, blessed stasis.

Ugh, whatever. Have you seen this show they call "The Adventures of Merlin?"

Yes. Yes. A thousand times, YES! Teenage soap-opera Arthurian tales?!?!?! Where does the BBC get their show pitches from, THE GODS?

p.s. I sincerely resent the fact that I keep having to vote for Democrats. With some very few exceptions (including Barbara Boxer, as it happens) the representatives of that party are all too eager to sell out my autonomy over my body and the civil rights of the LGBTQ-identified and others in order to appease people who think that monkeys don't exist and that God and Mr. Clean wrote the Constitution together on a roll of Brawny paper towels. Yeesh.

You were a slayer, and now you're nothing!

I'm sure you've heard all about how the 90s are back. SMG fo life.

I mean, I wear these boots almost every damn day.

Mmm. Boots.

Looking through an old notebook, I found this excellent shopping list:

- t.p.

- tampons

- bananas

- kitty litter

- cheese?

Where's my autoharp when I need it?

I am a major fan of Ucc Coffee.

WITH MILK.

Otherwise, the silence is both entrancing and off-putting. And the future rolls back toward me; I'm like a silent film comedian wrapped up accidentally in the rug. I meant to do that.

Signing with an agency on Thursday. So that's exciting.

NEWSFLASH!

People are jerks.

Jerks.

Alright, Internet..

I've finally got a real humdinger for you!

What constitutes, "Previous?" As in, "Previous" vs. "Next." Because this is not uniform and it's jamaican me craaaaazy.

I mean...really?

That's my reaction to the big world events lately. "Really? No...REALLY?!?!" I can't engage in meaningful discussion because everything I see and read is alternately terrifyingly stupid and stupidly terrifying.

Gulf of Mexico fills up with black goop, everything and everybody is about to fucking die, but let's do some more offshore drilling because we totally need it and it's actually totally safe - REALLY?!?!

Arizonans are angry that they don't have jobs so we're moving hastily toward a society that is uncomfortably similar to a South Africa under Apartheid situation - REALLY?!?!? DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM DISTRICT 9?*

The Countess de Lessepsepsicola releases 1992 house dance music track - REALLY?!?! YOU NEED TO STEP DOWN AND BOW TO THE QUEEN.



In conclusion: RuPaul for president.

*I actually haven't seen District 9 (I know, I know) but I've read a lot of Fugard. So...same thing?

p.s. More Ru:


p.p.s As long as the world is ending, we need a few non-house tracks to groove to. I submit: Klaus Nomi.



Exquisite:


"Taken from Klaus Nomi's unfinished space-western opera ZABAKDAZ.
ZABAKDAZ is a collection of songs Klaus Nomi was working on up until his death in 1983, released posthumously in 2007" I MEAN COME ON, LET'S ALL JUST GIVE UP RIGHT NOW.

Really? Really.

Frequently Asked Questions - Answered

FAQ

Q: What do you say when you’re offered a crass opinion, masked as a compliment, on your anatomy?

A: “I grew them myself.”

Q: What do you do if the toilet overflows late at night?

A: Lock the bathroom door and leave the apartment and never come back.

Q: What do you say when you find a parking space?

A: “Thanks.”

Q: What do you do if your shoes don’t fit?

A: Learn to adapt.

Q: What do you say when you’re asked to repeat yourself?

A: “Nevermind.”

Q: What do you do if you need to replace the doorknob?

A: Let it work itself out.

Q: What do you say when you can’t find something?

A: “It’s always the last place you look.”

Q: What do you do if you realize it’s over first?

A: Wait it out.

Q: What do you say when somebody tells you they’re going to break your heart?

A: “Get in line.”

Q: What do you do if you change your mind?

A: Pretend it was always this way.

Q: What do you say if you forget your keys?

A: “Heaven is just a phone call away.”

Q: Why doesn’t it work?

A: Have you tried plugging it in?

Q: Is it going to be okay?

A: It’s going to be okay.

Q: Is it going to be okay?

A: It’s going to be okay.

Q: Is it going to be okay?

A: It’s going to be okay.

I HAVE TAKEN THIS AD DOWN

Because I don't want to sell this easel, actually. My sales pitch was so good, I sold myself. Oops.

Gorgeous Antique Artist's Easel - Make Art or Display It! - $100 (Washington Blvd & Centinela)

---

Date: 2010-04-26, 4:17PM PDT
Reply to: sale-4zdqc-1711779979@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

I picked this easel up a few years ago when I was living in Baltimore. The owner of an apartment building near my place decided to get rid of the mountains of stuff people had left behind in their storage spaces over the years. I don't think that basement had been cleaned up, well, ever and so there were lots of treasures to be found. Including this faaabulous easel!

I don't really know anything about easels, but I do know what I like. And I like this. My (admittedly) extremely cursory research tells me that new easels usually cost $150+ and are made of ugly light-colored wood. This thing looks wayyyy cooler. How can you make amazing art on an ugly easel? Huh? How? I'm a musician, not an artist, but I've used the easel to display paintings and it looks very neat. Lotsa' character in this piece. You don't have to make art on it - it can be art! A found object piece, if you will. This easel really does it all.

There is a brass (?) label on the easel identifying it as a Grumbacher. I don't know if that has any significance but I do know that's a funny name. Makes me think of hats. That's another thing you could do with this easel: hang your hat on it. Amazing.

You could put it in your room and imagine you are a starving artist in post-war Paris, wearing striped shirts, giving up food to buy paint, giving up women to focus on your soul's work. Or imagine you are a little old purple-haired lady in Baltimore who took up painting after her cat died. Or something more positive, certainly. It's not really a negative easel. Think of this way: I provide the easel, you provide your own fantasy lifestyle. And also provide your own pick-up. Thanks!

• Location: Washington Blvd & Centinela
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• OK to contact me about appearing in CL documentary series

Bleep bloop bleep

I recently watched the first episode of 21 Jump Street. Almost immediately, a middle class white family is attacked by black people.


Very fashionable black people.


Seriously, maybe it's a generational thing, but I don't see how anybody can take a dude in a Thriller jacket seriously. Even if he does have a gun.


The jeri curl isn't helping matters. He looks like he's wearing a Halloween costume. Is that a rubber gun?

Alright, shit just got sexy.

Overall, terrifying.

Can we talk about this?

maybe I do need harem pants.

whet the appetite

Saw this on the freeway the other day. Yikes.

On Sunday I went over to Allie's to eat Moroccan food, drink margaritas, and watch the Osars. It was great. I was chatting to a friend of Allie's who was cooking up that tasty food when he mentioned he used to work in Wolfgang Puck's kitchen. I, polite conversationalist that I am, asked if he was still a chef.

And then he says:

"No, I'm a cage fighter."

He really is. He makes his living fighting people in cages, and also teaching people how to fight in cages. Further proof that graduate school is probably unnecessary. Strength training, on the other hand...

Well, what are you going to DO about it, Liz Taylor.

This year has been crazy so far - crazy in the coconut. Seriously. Some unfortunate stuff has gone down. But that's not for blogging. That's for, y'know, private contemplation.

For blogging:

I am really into these Viactiv chocolate chew/vitamins.

They've got that chalky vitamin taste, so you know they're healthy and full of...important healthy lady things. But they are also chewy and vaguely chocalate-y! I would describe them as somewhat unpleasant tootsie rolls and they are my favorite.

This is a song I like to listen to.



So nice it's posted twice! Actually, I don't know why that's happening.

This band's pretty cool. The Stevenson Ranch Davidians, they're called.



Like these guys too: Deep Sea Diver. The frontwoman makes me think of a lady Nick Cave, amirite? Apparently their name is otherwise known as a Grizzly Bear song, which is just one of those many, many bands people told me I was supposed to like and I never listened to at all. Out of spite, I suppose. Laziness?

It's possible that I'm a hypocrite.

But now, thanks to Viactiv, I've at least got my breast health.