Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never discuss politics over dinner...

I ate frozen yogurt for dinner.

This "who shall I vote for" business is troubling. I'm talking about the two terrible candidates we have for Cali governor: Meg "I'm the worst" Whitman and the former, "Gov. Moonbeam," Jerry Brown. Let's not quibble over third party candidates - Laura Wells is awesome, of course. Check out her statement:

" There are solutions! For great schools, health, environment, jobs, and justice. We can stop coddling mega-corporations and billionaires. They’ve gotten filthy rich, and left California flat broke and unemployment sky high.

We can create a State Bank and invest in California not Wall Street.

Let’s expand the good parts of old Prop 13 to keep people in their homes, and fix rotten parts like the 1/3 minority that has veto power over taxing the rich. Let’s implement fair taxes, and give ourselves and our kids a chance."

Okay, she's great. But it's not like we can let Meg Whitman win...

So. I guess I'm voting for Jerry Brown. On the up side, at least we know that whoever wins, it's not as though they can accomplish all that much. Oh, blessed, blessed stasis.

Ugh, whatever. Have you seen this show they call "The Adventures of Merlin?"

Yes. Yes. A thousand times, YES! Teenage soap-opera Arthurian tales?!?!?! Where does the BBC get their show pitches from, THE GODS?


p.s. I sincerely resent the fact that I keep having to vote for Democrats. With some very few exceptions (including Barbara Boxer, as it happens) the representatives of that party are all too eager to sell out my autonomy over my body and the civil rights of the LGBTQ-identified and others in order to appease people who think that monkeys don't exist and that God and Mr. Clean wrote the Constitution together on a roll of Brawny paper towels. Yeesh.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

You were a slayer, and now you're nothing!


I'm sure you've heard all about how the 90s are back. SMG fo life.

I mean, I wear these boots almost every damn day.


Mmm. Boots.

Looking through an old notebook, I found this excellent shopping list:

- t.p.
- tampons
- bananas
- kitty litter
- cheese?

Monday, June 21, 2010

Where's my autoharp when I need it?


I am a major fan of Ucc Coffee.
WITH MILK.

Otherwise, the silence is both entrancing and off-putting. And the future rolls back toward me; I'm like a silent film comedian wrapped up accidentally in the rug. I meant to do that.

Signing with an agency on Thursday. So that's exciting.


Saturday, May 22, 2010

NEWSFLASH!


People are jerks.

Jerks.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Alright, Internet..

I've finally got a real humdinger for you!

What constitutes, "Previous?" As in, "Previous" vs. "Next." Because this is not uniform and it's jamaican me craaaaazy.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I mean...really?

That's my reaction to the big world events lately. "Really? No...REALLY?!?!" I can't engage in meaningful discussion because everything I see and read is alternately terrifyingly stupid and stupidly terrifying.

Gulf of Mexico fills up with black goop, everything and everybody is about to fucking die, but let's do some more offshore drilling because we totally need it and it's actually totally safe - REALLY?!?!

Arizonans are angry that they don't have jobs so we're moving hastily toward a society that is uncomfortably similar to a South Africa under Apartheid situation - REALLY?!?!? DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM DISTRICT 9?*

The Countess de Lessepsepsicola releases 1992 house dance music track - REALLY?!?! YOU NEED TO STEP DOWN AND BOW TO THE QUEEN.



In conclusion: RuPaul for president.

*I actually haven't seen District 9 (I know, I know) but I've read a lot of Fugard. So...same thing?

p.s. More Ru:


p.p.s As long as the world is ending, we need a few non-house tracks to groove to. I submit: Klaus Nomi.



Exquisite:


"Taken from Klaus Nomi's unfinished space-western opera ZABAKDAZ.
ZABAKDAZ is a collection of songs Klaus Nomi was working on up until his death in 1983, released posthumously in 2007" I MEAN COME ON, LET'S ALL JUST GIVE UP RIGHT NOW.

Really? Really.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Frequently Asked Questions - Answered

FAQ

Q: What do you say when you’re offered a crass opinion, masked as a compliment, on your anatomy?

A: “I grew them myself.”

Q: What do you do if the toilet overflows late at night?

A: Lock the bathroom door and leave the apartment and never come back.

Q: What do you say when you find a parking space?

A: “Thanks.”

Q: What do you do if your shoes don’t fit?

A: Learn to adapt.

Q: What do you say when you’re asked to repeat yourself?

A: “Nevermind.”

Q: What do you do if you need to replace the doorknob?

A: Let it work itself out.

Q: What do you say when you can’t find something?

A: “It’s always the last place you look.”

Q: What do you do if you realize it’s over first?

A: Wait it out.

Q: What do you say when somebody tells you they’re going to break your heart?

A: “Get in line.”

Q: What do you do if you change your mind?

A: Pretend it was always this way.

Q: What do you say if you forget your keys?

A: “Heaven is just a phone call away.”

Q: Why doesn’t it work?

A: Have you tried plugging it in?

Q: Is it going to be okay?

A: It’s going to be okay.

Q: Is it going to be okay?

A: It’s going to be okay.

Q: Is it going to be okay?

A: It’s going to be okay.