So I did actually get a part! As an Amazon in A Midsummer Night's Dream, what else? Rehearsals start next month, and then the show is in rolling repertory until October. I realize, looking back, that waiting to find out has been the focus of this blog (my life?) the last few posts, and I wouldn't want to leave all two of you hanging. Is it a small part? Oh yes it is. Will it get me into Equity? Also, yes indeedy. So, because this is how life works, I will be doing less work on this play than any I've been in in years, and I will be getting paid exponentially more - even though zero times "something" is still zero, I think my point is obvious enough. So, you know, KALOO KALAY and all.
My "lesbian-adjacent" song-singing-standing-up act is on Sunday. I am really afraid of hecklers, but I also really want a heckler. I think it might actually be fun to have every right to just rip some person I've never met to shreds in front of a bunch of people. Maybe that kind of thinking makes me a sociopath? NO! THAT'S SHOWBIZ!
Ah, yes, showbiz. Now, theater has my heart because I've always been fascinated with the ephemeral, with moments that waft by and then are gone in the same instant, never to return again, just as they do in our own lives blah, blah, blah - no wonder nobody likes theater, it's all SO melancholy and precious and boooOOOOoooring. SHAZAM! KABOOM! ZAP-A-DOO! THESE ARE THE SOUNDS OF ENTERTAINMENT! MOVING PICTURES, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, MOVING PICTURES ARE THE FUTURE!
What I mean to say is, working this job, I have had several strange/awk interactions with famous show-people. Most are actually pretty boring, (answering Dick Van Dyke's phone call with, "He is in his office, I'll transfer you right over," is not very exciting except for the part where I get to say, "---, I have Dick Van Dyke for you," and then I click transfer and spin around in my chair, pumping my arms up and down screaming, "YES! YESSSSSS! YYYEEEEEEEESSSSSS! THE FIRST DYKE ON THE TEEVEE!"
Anyway here's two good ones:
(This is about five days into working here)
Me: Office of ----? (I can't help but sound like the receptionist in Office Space when I do this. It always sounds like a question.)
Larry David: This is Larry David for ---.
Me: Oh, good morning. Let me make sure he's in his office. May I put you on hold for a moment?
L.D.: NO! No, you may not!
Me: Uh...uh...(high pitched whining sound) uhm...
L.D.: IT WAS A JOKE! It was a joke. ItwasajokeItwasajokeItwasajoke.
Me: Oh.
(Pause.)
Me: Yes, well. I am humorless.
L.D.: Right.
Me: I'm going to...I'm going to put you on hold now.
(A Beat)
Me: Alright, I'm going to transfer you now.
L.D: (something unintelligible)
(Yesterday)
Me: Office of ---?
Debbie Allen's Assistant: Hello, I have Debbie Allen for ---.
Me: I'm so sorry, he's not in the office. May I take a message?
D.A.Ass: Yes...I
(small commotion)
Debbie Allen: Hi there, this is Debbie. You tell --- it was, "When You're Alone." From Hook.
Me: Okay. "When You're Alone?" From...Hook?
Debbie Allen: Yes, you know, (sings)"Wheeeen yooouuu're aloooone..." It won the, well, you just tell him. That's what he wanted to know.
Me: I will be happy to tell him when he gets back. Would you like him to return?
Debbie Allen: Well, uh, no, I think that's what he wanted to know. Bye.
Me: Tha-
(Dial tone)
Me: Wha?
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2 comments:
Okay so I started to watch the Curb Your Enthusiasm clip and I've got another tab open (Italian place we're ordering pizza for dinner) and it has this background music playing and I'm dumb so I was like, "this is weirdest clip of TV ever. Why is there Frank Sinatra-piano-music in the background?" (this music: www.nicksnyc.com)
Unfortunately it did not make Larry David any funnier. Oooh, BURN! Yeah, next time you talk to him, tell him Julie Sihilling feels "meh" about him. But also that he should give me a job.
I go back and forth on Larry David - but the realization that he's that awk in real life made me like him much more. I'll be sure to forward your headshot and blog through the phone (is that how it works?) next time he calls, though, fa sho!
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