Investigating the past!

I was looking at an old blog I kept about midway through college. I used to be so much fun:

"05:46 pm - ha

i can hear the loudspeaker from the beach in my room. apparently, we are celebrating the impending lacrosse game with SORORITY TUG-OF-WAR!!!!! and SORORITY PINATA!!!!

i get no peace.

Current Music: song against sex - neutral milk hotel

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04:51 am - ugh

I haven't been able to find my glasses for five days. I feel like Philbert.

Current Music: andy - neko case

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I've joined the script reading committee for the "Seedlings" series at Theatricum. I just love readin'. Volunteering: it makes you feel warm inside. I love it.

I also love Christmas.

I love the trees:



I especially love the cheese:

(Seriously, if you haven't been to the Cheese Store in B Hills, you need to get your open mouth over there. They have everything, they know everything, they let you taste everything, every one of the employees is super attractive, or at least super adorable, and, to top it all off, there is wine, which they also let you taste. I MEAN, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?)

IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

As you may or may not have gathered, I watch a lot of Law & Order whilst writing things. I don't know why. Back when I had free OnDemand, I would often use old episodes of Weeds. Maybe I need the ambient noise? Maybe the suspense makes me feel like I need to get -insert annoying thing I am doing- done or else I'll be horribly raped and murdered by the last person I expect? Hard to say.

BUT ANYWAY!

In all this time, I have never once seen an episode twice. But just now, that one with the Orthodox family that owned a Kosher meat company aired. DUDE, I'VE SEEN THAT ONE ALREADY. Eat shit, Channel 13. Christ.

But maybe it's all for the best. I'm listening to this great band, Fool's Gold. They did the Spaceland residency a few months ago, and just got back from touring with Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, who also rule. They'll be at the Echo this Thursday night and I think I might just be there too. They sound like they have a tip-top record collection. Now, I know that for many bands that could be considered something of an insult, but trust me, I mean it with a straight face.

In other news, if this logo were the sign outside of a strip club, I would absolutely go in. Just sayin'.
Million dollar ideas, I shit 'em out all day, every day.

P.S.

The question is: Should I buy a new umbrella, or should I invest in a dry-against-all-odds suit as these fine gentleman have?


THE CHILDREN ARE HAVING SEEEEEXXXXXX!

Consider this...

I am in favor of both versions of Audrey.

Rainy Day

I don’t see what the big deal is with beautiful girls. I see beautiful girls every day, all over the place. It’s overwhelming. At the store, on the street, in other cars, near my house, sometimes in it, and it’s too much, really entirely too much.

I remember we saw one girl in high school. She was sitting at her desk crying and she was so beautiful, just so beautiful, that I fell down. We all fell down. We didn’t want her to stop so we all tried to lie very still there on the ground, peeking sometimes to see her. We tried not to let her notice because then she might have stopped and it would have been all our fault. If I had been more bold, I would have collected some of her tears. I would use them now to make tea, so that I could feel beautiful sometimes too.

At the time, though, she was so silent and we were all so silent and eventually she slid out of her desk and joined us on the floor. I’m not sure if she noticed we were there, we were trying very hard not to let her. After hours and hours, somebody got up to pee. The teacher coughed and said he had to go get coffee, and it was all ruined, nothing like this would ever happen again. The girl started to make sounds, not very loud ones, but she used her whole body. Our reverence seemed so grotesque then that it made me feel sick, like I was going to vomit. I started to cry too.

Everyone rushed to comfort me, and that is how I learned that I was not beautiful, and probably would never be so. That was the same year I learned to crochet but I don’t remember how to do that anymore.

Jonathan Richman

On Wednesday night, riding a crashing wave of Joose and Bushmills, I joined some lovely folks and went to see Jonathan Richman play.

It. Ruled. He's so completely charming and sweet onstage. The Mint is a strange little venue - sort of an older crowd than I expected - but I felt a lot of togetherness. A lot of drunken togetherness.

After the show, I asked Mr. Richman if he, like John Waters, would sign my tits. Like the true gent he is he respectfully declined, so I asked him to sign my arms instead. He was much more into that. Outside we all hugged him and waved for an awkwardly long time as he hopped into the passenger side of a Subaru.

Later I called a number - I'm not sure who it belongs to, but we didn't talk for very long. MYSTERIES! It was probably Mr. Richman himself. "Oh, hey there Jonathan! Super fun meeting you tonight!" "Wow, it sure was nice to meet you too, Liz." "Gee, you're the best. Talk to you soon, Jon Jon." "Bye now, Lizzy-boo. Sweet dreams."

Here's Jonathan (we're friends now) when he was young and experimental:


Oh, how I love love love him...p.s. Tommy Larkin was on the skins on Wednesday as well:

One more really old Barbie spot:

Don't mind the creepy buzzing, just consider that the audio manifestation of all the effort Barbie's expending by beaming this to the present from the late 70s/early 80s. Barbie powers the internet - I don't know if you knew that. I particularly like the "Polynesian Stereotype" Barbie. She's pretty. I want one.

What I would like to know is, why is Law & Order so engrossing?

Puppy is driving me nuts today - no running in the rain=crazy bitch. Well, that's what she is. Her teef hurt, poor thing.

In the course of going through old Barbie ads and organizing them for boss lady, I found this treasure:



That's cool, Barbie, I'm a disco-astronaut too. And how 'bout those ear donuts on the blonde girl, huh?

WHO CAN SURVIVE MY (maybe, sort of, kind of) FURY???!!!!

Last night I went to Spaceland and finally saw The Happy Hollows play live - love their new album Spells - and I was super excited about going. Unfortunately, although the company was top-notch, I was really not feeling their live show. They are great performers (that front-woman is an animal, y'all) and everything but...eh. The studio sound didn't really translate. They reminded me of a Rainer Maria retread, and much as I liked them back in the day, the world doesn't really need another. C'est la vie. Still, I'll probably give them at least one more shot. Maybe it was an off night.

But you know what really gets my goat?

This morning Tyler was taking our new puppy for a walk. We adopted her just about a week ago. The vet says she's a Pharaoh Hound. Look at how cute she is:

we are thinking of naming her, "Mama Cass"

or maybe, "Lady Anne"

or..."Janet Reno." Girl is a diva, that's all.

Anyway, this guy is standing in his yard watching his small children play on the sidewalk. As Tyler and sweet 'lil pup walk up he shouts, "Out of the way kids! There's a pit bull!" The kids pay him no mind and, then, as Tyler walks by, the man shouts at Tyler, "If you have a pit bull, and you see kids, you need to CROSS THE STREET!"

Tyler, quick-witted lad that he is, replied, "First of all, she's not a pit bull. And even if she were - your kids are playing on the sidewalk." And away he went.

So, all discussion of the whale-sized sense of entitlement some parents feel concerning public property and their precious little darlings aside, I think the real question is: What are some other ways to respond to this sort of asshole?*

- "If you have a pit bull, and you see kids, you need to CROSS THE STREET!"

- "If you have ugly kids, you need to keep them in the house."

- "If you have a pit bull, and you see kids, you need to CROSS THE STREET!"
- "My dog never eats shit."

Eh...I can't think of any more right now. The more I think about it, I can understand why that guy was rude. He's worried about his kids - but, dude, you're the one who won't let them play on the 'pristine' grass in your yard. Get yer priorities in order, jeez.

ALSO I FINALLY SET UP MY RECORD PLAYER AGAIN! NOW THIS HOUSE IS A HOME!

*Obviously, all dogs should be under control when they are in a public place - and that doesn't just mean on a leash dragging a person along. Dogs can absolutely be dangerous, but walking calmly by is a very different thing from say, zig-zagging around, barking wildly, or frankly, even getting within the personal space of somebody who hasn't consented to pet the dog. Tyler actively made sure he had our girl on a short leash, so that she couldn't even sniff at the kids, because we don't entirely know what she's like yet. I know somebody who was attacked very seriously by a dog when he was a little boy. It was horrible, really scary. But it wasn't that the dog was walking by - it was out of control. Oh, shit, I don't know. I'm just saying, all dogs could be dangerous, not just PIT BULL SPAWNS OF SATAN, and so are cars, and so is the world - WHY YOU TALKIN SHIT ABOUT MY PRINCESS?